fifty four at 54

by Maggie Graham

which way?
the question is complex and life is short
walk slowly, my dear
time can only move forward

seems to have happened almost without my noticing
makes me nervous
worse is one way I get quite easily
for even as a child, I do not remember ever having bounded

no going back without a great deal of difficulty
runaway or absent mothers
don't want to be touched
anxiety rages through her

now where had she got to?
I guess she's half a woman by now
inspiration for Kafka's castle
That place of strain and tension and raw nerves

rooms which are extra clean feel extra cold
looked back, silent with shock
she did not like the name and she did not know why
a conjugal rather than a romantic kiss

who in the world wants to hit you
a girl who would have been requiring you to see the stars by daylight
be careful of envy
presumably she would like to have your encouragement

you get all that from books, of course
grinning like a grater
just makes me want to kick over tables and shout
I am the cleverest person here

his eyes were positively blazing
she might go mad with the lust for sugar
but wait until our sleeping
nothing to sleep in but a bed

morning road air was like a new dress
smell of hot baby skin and hair and earth and vegetation
they gleamed like birds cast from bronze
accurate from first day of missed period

more than happy
the cheers died away in the soft grey air
It's we who are abnormal
we never have tea

Autumn; the over-fullness of everything said it must be
feel like I'm living in a novel
I am going to be a certain kind of person
hope you won't feel abandoned

a moment, they knew, of importance
time, finally, to deal with the mad woman in the attic
well, it takes one to know one
this was great fun

brought my knees up to my chest
the sofa merely tolerated her
the buds on her geraniums gleamed like the tips of lipsticks
drink the whisky then cut my throat

yes, they all brought manuscripts, every one of them
nobody wants to get back to their digs

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